Camping

Lake Sunset 2013

It's been a great summer, but very busy.  We went camping for a weekend in mid July with friends.

I always liked camping.  And by camping, I mean real, tent camping.  The description of LDS girls' camp in the feminist mormon housewives podcast rang very true to me.  I have fond memories of camp.  I learned a lot.  I still know different ways to make fire, and how to lash two sticks together.

So it was nice to go camping with friends recently.  What was interesting to me, however, was that I realized why I would not want to live on a commune.  Please let me explain.

The food coordination was not really defined beforehand.  We have lots of friends with food allergies, and others who are vegetarian or vegan.  So it would already be difficult to find meals that everyone could eat.

Then, the person who was in charge of a communal grill didn't arrive at the campsite until 6:30 p.m., and then promptly set up their tent.  So it was 8 before they started cooking, and the meal wasn't served until 9.

Sometimes I'm willing to wait to eat with other people (particularly when it's just me), but 9 is too late to eat with kids. And that's a difference among families - some families like to eat at regular times - others are more flexible and fluid.  So we started cooking our own food at 6 and ate around 7.

Back to the reason I couldn't live in a commune - it would involve these types of conversations daily.  It's one thing to coordinate with my own family (four), it's quite another to coordinate cooking, preparing, food with 8 other couples and their kids, given all the food allergies.  And how does one make sure everyone does their share?  There was one couple that seemed like they were not pulling their weight (monitoring or feeding their own child).  There may have been more going on than what I observed - but it's uncomfortable to be in that situation.

The way to make it work -through communication and coordination.  But living in a commune would mean constant conversations about that type of things ALL THE TIME. And from my understanding, often in communes in the 1960s, women did a great deal of work - picking up the slack.  And I'm not comfortable with that either.  In our camping trip, there was an equal sharing of work amongst the couples- cooking, preparing food, watching kids.  But I could see that not always being the case.

I had a great time.  I look forward to returning next year.  I'm even open to a conversation about a communal grill - one side for folks who eat meat, and one for the vegan/vegetarians.

But I realize that living with friends all the time would not be roses and rainbows (we've returned to college dorm living!).  It would be a great deal of work, communication - and would greatly depend on the people we were living with.

Birthday parties

I love being a mom.  It's been exhausting and sometimes very stressful - but I've really enjoyed it so far.  I (usually) don't mind the homework, getting ready to leave in the morning - even stand-offs over food.  Well, my life would be easier without the stand-offs over food, but I digress.  I'm happy to continue to introduce new and interesting foods (and particularly healthy foods) for my kids to eat.  It's my job as a parent. 

And my kids are at a good age at the moment.  We can have conversations.  Of course, some of those conversations I was not ready to have just yet. 

But we go out and have adventures.   We go to parks, fairs, museums. 

So aside from cleaning (which is more difficult with young kids), I think that this birthday party thing is really stressful for me.  I think I'm going to give myself permission to put it on hiatus for the next few years.

We just had a birthday party for my kids.  It went well.  Expectations were properly set ahead of time - I was prepared (we didn't have a swim party because of the weather AND because it would be too difficult to coordinate). This is the third fourth birthday party (not just family) that we've had - and each one is stressful for me.  I've had help - I've had multiple adults help each time. Nothing has gone wrong - aside from fewer people attending than I expected.

I have no idea why birthday parties in particular are stressful for me.  I love having my friends over for parties - we host them regularly. 

I suppose it's that I keep going to other children's birthday parties and thinking "I could do this - this wouldn't be too stressful".  And yet - in the end, it ends up being stressful for me.  And I'm not even making a cake from scratch or homemade party favors. 

So this is my confession - I think I need to let this one go.  My kids will be just fine if they only have a few more birthdays or birthday parties with friends.  We still celebrate the birthdays with family - I even sent treats with them to school.  I know it means a lot to them (which is why they are insistent). 

But my time and mental energy are also important.  And it can't be useful to have a mom who is stressed out - living up to other people's expectations.   It's another case of - it's a good idea in theory, but in practice it doesn't work as well.  I'm giving myself permission to say no to this one. 

Cave of Forgotten Dreams

I was going to e-mail my friend NN about this film but I thought - why not recommend it to everyone?  She has a great post about cave art here.

I watched this documentary film recently.  Some parts were choppy and it may have been longer than it needed to be.  Maybe it would have seemed less choppy if I had seen it in 3D.

But the cave art was amazing.  The notion that people 30,000 years ago had the time and wherewithal to paint animals on this cave - on any cave is inspiring.  I suspect there is something about being human that inspires us to create art - to leave a legacy for our descendants.  There is an urge towards communication - to find common understanding.

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I was having a conversation with my kids about whether or not cavemen were stupid.  They claimed that cavemen were stupid.  I suspect it's related to some tv commercial that makes that implication.

Anyway, I explained that cave people were probably not stupid.  No one had made a spear before, but they had to figure it out.  And use that spear to find food.  They had to figure out what could be eaten - how to stay warm through the winter.  That would have taken a great deal of intelligence.  In the film, an anthropologist throws a spear replica.  I'm grateful that I am not dependent on bone tools for food!

Upon further reflection, I remarked that their brains were probably smaller than our more modern brains.  So they may have been a bit less intelligent. 

But my awe still stands. It's amazing that our species survived and has reached the point we have where we aren't forced to hunt and gather for food.  It's amazing that we are almost completely separated from seasonal impact - from the winter and summer. 

Year round school

Another community in my state has voted to turn to year round school.  There are different names for it, but that's what it is.  Back in the day, the thought of year round school was widely denounced and villified (say 25 years ago).

As a parent, my experience has been the opposite.  Year round school has been great for our family.  The kids still have five to six weeks off in the summer.  They have two week fall, winter and spring breaks.  In the end, the total amount of time they spend in school is only a handful of weeks longer than a traditional calendar.

In the end, most families have parents who work full or part time throughout the year.  They do not get the same amount of vacation that their kids do.  The family is left scrambling for daycare, day camp or family members (or all three) to fill the void.  All three can be expensive depending on the arrangements you make.

So the days of summer vacation as days without schedules or purpose are gone for most families.

I know of people who hire nannies for the summer months so the kids can hang out at the pool.  And there are families who can afford to have one parent stay home full time even when the kids are in school.  But there are disadvantages to that as well - most notably the retirement funds for the full time stay at home parent.

Yes, children need free time and time to play.  They need exposure to the world outside of school.  It's clear that they need unstructured time as well to develop creatively. 

Some lawmakers (in my state) are stuck in this older reality.  They assume that one parent can stay home, even when kids are in school. They lament that kids no longer have free time like they did. Which is fine - but it's ignoring the experience of most parents and families.  Most notably, I've found this with my experience on the parent teacher association for the school.  Most parents are working two jobs to pay the rent; they're not able to go to fundraising activities.  And it's unrealistic to expect them to do so.

So the reality is, kids who aren't in school will probably be in some sort of daycare/day camp.  How different is school from day camp anyway?  Obviously most day camps are more activity/fun based than traditional school.  Day camp doesn't usually have licensed teachers. 

But to my mind, the only downsides to a longer school year are that teachers have to work more days and it may cost the state more.  Day camp and school are much more alike than school and unstructured summer vacation days.

In Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers, he shares statistics that most upper and middle class children do not lose as much of their learning through the summer break.  But for some families, particularly lower income families, the kids lose a great deal through the long summer months.  So it seems to me, if we want to give those kids the best chance to succeed, and help support families - lengthening the school year is a great way to do it. 

Originally, the summer break was simply to allow farm kids to help with the farm during planting and harvest season.  Most Americans live in urban locations now, not on farms.  So unstructured play was always a luxury.

Unfortunately, it seems to take forever for our educational system to adapt best practices/research based innovations.  They were discussing early childhood education in the 1970s.  Only now are both political parties beginning to recognize the wisdom of working with children earlier.  Sadly, other countries have been engaged with both early childhood education and longer school years for years. 

Fall Break

Maple leaves 2012

For the last two weeks  the kids have been on fall break; otherwise known as a time for rest and rejuvenation for the parents.  We are very fortunate that my in laws have been hanging out with the kids for most of that time (because I couldn't take two weeks off of work).

My husband and I spent the first week eating at restaurants we choose not to go to with the kids.  The restaurants include Peruvian, Belgian and relatively authentic Mexican.  Also doing chores that are much simpler without kids running around. 

I miss my kids, but the past few months have been incredibly, intensely busy.  And this situation is a win/win - my in laws get to spend quality time with their grandchildren, and I get some time off.

I wish all parents had this opportunity - I know quite a few parents who are tired and could use some time to themselves. They need time where they don't have to answer seven billion questions or argue about eating food or going to bed on time.  I love being a mom - but it can be exhausting.

For me, it also helps put things into perspective.  The past seven years have gone by quickly.  Everyone says that, but I've found it's true.  I suspect the next seven years will go by just as quickly - and my kids will be fourteen.  It's just as important (as always) to focus on the present and what I want to teach them now - developing a strong parent/child relationship now.   

The Universe

Adler Planetarium clock

On our vacation, we visited the Adler Planetarium in Chicago.  It was an amazing experience.  I visited in grade school, but I didn't remember much from the experience. At the museum, my kids experienced jumping in weightlessness, and creating a crater.

I recommend the program "Welcome to the Universe".  It started out talking about our earth, and all the satellites that orbit our planet (showing their orbits).  It went from our solar system to the galaxy (the milky way), then to other galaxies and black holes.

The size of our universe is simply awe-inspiring.  At one point in the film, it went past hundreds (if not thousands) of galaxies, each as big as the milky way (or bigger).  All those galaxies, stars, planets - it is incomprehensible to me.  Not that it is forever incomprehensible to humans, just to me personally.  It's no wonder there are so many science fiction stories - it does provoke the imagination.

Teaching, Test Scores and Education

Back in college, I had a conversation with a friend about his prospects.

My friend claimed his grades didn't matter; how he looked on paper didn't matter.  What mattered was that he could get in front of the decision makers and charm them (state his case).  There are many definitions of privilege.  To my mind, this is one of them.  Privilege is being able to get an audience with decision makers despite not meeting the original qualifications.

I've been involved (more than I ever wanted to be) in recent discussions about education, school structure and test scores.  For anyone not intimately involved in this current American educational debate, test scores now define everything in most schools.  The scores grade the teacher's performance.  The law is called "No Child Left Behind".  It means, for better or worse, what I remember from my school days is not longer what most students experience.  The students spend more time on math and reading, lots of drills and benchmark tests.  They get less for everything else; music, art, p.e. (gym), science and social studies.  

The school my children attend is a great school, but they have low test scores.  So now they're trying to keep the good things about the school, while raising the scores.  I don't know if they will be successful.

One of the arguments for focusing on the test scores is that life is full of tests.  (This is the argument an administrator told me).  It's true, my school life was full of tests.  I had to take a test for college admission.  I took a test for post graduate admission.  I took a basic math/spelling test to be a temporary secretary back in the 1990s (I got the job despite my spelling errors, more privilege I suppose).

But in my career as an IT professional, I've taken exactly one test.  Maybe I took a personality test when applying for jobs (I don't remember), but only one content based multiple choice test.  And that one test was a fluke (incredibly rare for my field).

So I disagree that tests are a part of life.  They may be a part of academic life, but not a part of life for all fields in the working world.  Most companies have yearly evaluations (or some performance system).  Schools and teachers need outside evaluation.  That's how accountability works.  I'm accountable to my boss and my company.  If I don't do my job by assessment, I get fired.  That's how it works.

I'm not a teacher and I wouldn't dream of being one. It's not my skill set.  It's hard work.  And I challenge anyone who thinks it's easy to try it.  Not everyone can teach successfully.  Not everyone can work in IT or as a chef.

Some politicians imply by their statements (or actions) that any businessperson could teach - or could perhaps be a better teacher than trained teachers. In the next few years, that fallacy of that thought will be apparent.  Allowing an untrained person to teach (or assuming they can teach without any training) is like allowing an untrained mechanic to work on my car, or an untrained nurse to put together my I.V.  What constitutes as training is debatable and something worth discussing.  But assuming anyone can teach without having any idea of subject matter, ways of learning, etc. is ignorant.

How do we independently verify schools and teachers without testing the kids? How do we account for a host of factors that need to be accounted for in that evaluation? What about everything that happens outside of school - which the research shows is a bigger predictor of test scores (and academic success)?

I don't have any answers. I know the system is not working currently.  And I don't know how well children are learning.  Are they being exposed to the wide range of needed skills (in addition to reading and math)?  How do they learn what they want to do as an adult?

And do the teacher's unions and administrators have too much power?

A good public education system has been the foundation of U.S. success.  I know there are ways to reform the system.  But so much seems to hit the law of unintended consequences.  With NCLB, lawmakers wanted to ensure that schools were held accountable.

But what happened is schools started teaching to the test, and teaching to the middle (bubble) kids.  The kids in the middle who can improve, not the very low or very high performers.

I trust the issues will be resolved soon.  I know many kids will succeed no matter what type of education they receive.  And success can be defined very differently.  This issue is not a simple one, and is much more about what type of society we want to be and create than anything else.

Mom, Can I...

Sometimes I love overhearing parents talking to their kids. 

The other day we were at the gym, sitting near some vending machines.  Each time I walk past these machines with my kids, we have a conversation about it.  One or both will ask me for something.  There's even an elaborate conversation about it, sometimes with an offer to "pay me back" for whatever they decide to purchase.

Anyway, it was great when I heard a mom walk by with her kids, and I heard the same conversation.  The kids asking (almost whining) for something from the vending machine.  The conversation went like this: "No, not today." 
"Come on Mom, please?" 
"No, come on, let's keep going".  Not angry or frustrated, just a calm response. 

It just feels like reinforcement as a parent, to realize that every parent answers these questions.  Every parent of young children may have these conversations on a daily basis.   

Being an adult sucks sometimes

When I was a teenager, I wanted nothing more than to be on my own, to make my own decisions.  At times, I am incredibly grateful to be an adult, in charge of when I go to sleep and what to eat.  I get to make my own rules.

Then there are months like this past month.  My son was at a day care provider; he attempted a cartwheel and hit his head.  He couldn't remember if he had blacked out or not. His direct quote was "everything was dark, I couldn't tell if my eyes were closed".  A large goose egg bruise was growing on his head.  It was late at night (around 10).

The last place I wanted to be was in the emergency room with him.  Not only because it was late, but also because of the expense with our current insurance.  So there was no one really to ask - it was my husband and my decisions.  I took him to the ER, my husband stayed home with our daughter.

My son is fine, no lasting damage.  He doesn't even have a bruise any longer.

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M stretched out sleeping

And our cat M is declining rapidly. Last fall he lost half his body weight.  At first I thought he didn't like the cat food, but it was more than that.  We took him to the vet and ran tests.

He began eating soft food, but the tests showed liver disease.  The vet said usually when cats are sick, they stop eating.  So he was an anomaly.  Even the vet repeatedly called him an enigma.  It made me smile, he's always been an enigma and a cat unlike others. (He plays fetch, he's generally good-natured and social).

So other the past month, his health has further declined.  He hasn't lost more weight, but he scratches patches of fur from behind his ears and on his front paws.  He is a shade of yellow.  And he's been incontinent (which I won't go into here).  He also has thyroid problems.

This is another time it would be nice to have someone make this decision for me.  But it's all me - the buck stops here.  My husband and I can let his health continue to decline, listen to him meow (it sounds like crying) all day - or let him go.  We could spend thousands of dollars treating and diagnosing him, only to lose him after a great deal of pain.

So we've decided to let him go.  This sucks.  I'm angry and sad.  I knew this day was coming, but I didn't think it would happen like this.

Roller Skating

Birthday roller skates - note the 1980s upholstery

Over the holiday break, we went roller skating (the first time for the kids). I skated quite a bit as a child, I remember my parents would clear out the garage and we would skate around to tapes like "Saturday's Warrior".

I haven't been on a pair of skates for a long time, at least fifteen years. I was unsteady on wheels - it wasn't exactly like riding a bicycle.

The interesting part was that my son and daughter were trying out skates for the first time. We rented carts - so they could push the wheeled cart for balance.

My son took to the skates quickly. He fell down once or twice. But before we left (less than an hour later), he was out of the practice area and flying around the rink. He wasn't as fast or steady as the experienced skaters - but he definitely reminded me of the "duck to water" expression.

My daughter did not understand the process intuitively. She held onto me (not the best strategy as I was unsteady myself). She fell once, and it really bothered her. Of course when you learn to skate, you sometimes fall. That's part of the process.

The well meaning owner stopped by as we sat on the side of the rink. He gave us a few pointers. Near the end, she was more comfortable and able to move.

Being the mom of twins, I have unique insight into the natural/genetic/social differences people have. It's clear that my son and daughter approach the world differently and have distinct skills and talents. There are things that my daughter learns effortlessly, but roller skating wasn't one of them.

How do people learn that some things are easy for them to grasp, and others need more practice? How do you stop someone (particularly a bright person) from becoming discouraged when they don't figure something out immediately?

It took me a long time to figure out that I couldn't do everything I attempted the first time. That just because someone else could do something - didn't mean I could. It means I'm human, it doesn't mean I'm less than anyone else. As a Mom, helping my kids figure out their strengths is important. It would be nice if our culture valued and rewarded each person's strengths.

bus stop

I jumped through all the hoops and changed the bus stop for my kids.

It's surprising how satisfying this small decision is.  Last year the bus stopped a block and a half from our home. Not too far, but far enough that it was mildly inconvenient.  We couldn't sit in the house and wait for the bus.  And the bus is late occasionally, one day we waited for an hour.

As soon as I received the form in the mail announcing the old stop for this year, I knew I wanted to request the change.  There was really no reason that the stop was a block and a half away.  My kids are the only ones who meet there. I also discovered that there is a computer program that assigns kids to stops (which, to my mind, was a good reason to question why the stop was where it was.  I understand computer programs and their defects features - all too well).

The new stop is only one house away.  There are other kids that wait for the bus (for another school) across the street.  We can run to the bus (and have). 

The change process took three weeks.  If there's one thing that's dependable, it's that bureaucracies never change.  First, the school district refused to switch the stop because school hadn't started yet. Then, the operator claimed a new bus driver would be confused (in the first few weeks). 

Finally, and most illogical to my mind, although the stop was changed in the computer, the bus driver wasn't notified until a week later (after two missed morning stops). 

Although computers assign the stops, the process is still a paper one - with the bus driver receiving the stops on paper.  Yes, this is 2011.  Frankly, I don't know if this system has changed since the 1950s (the computer part has, obviously, but not the paper part).

Perhaps it's the pain of the switch, and the irritation of the red tape I had to go through.  It's simply empowering to make a change to one of the little things that drives you nuts.  It's sweet to watch it happen, and continue to save you time and energy.

The Purse

 I lost a purse when I was six, while I attended the ballet with my brownie troop. I remember this incident distinctly. My sister had made me the purse for Christmas.  I recall being very upset, I cried most of the car ride home. My Mom wasn't on the trip, so it would have been a friend's mom who would have tried to calm me down.

I remember being upset about the $5 I lost in the purse, but also because I was terrified that my sister would be upset and disappointed with me.  In the end, I don't think she was all that upset, I had over-reacted (remember, I was six!). 




Some months ago, I found this journal. It's been at the bottom of a box that I've carted from various locations.  My mother had diligently kept a journal for me (and my siblings, I think) from the time we were babies.  Journal writing is a big part of mormon culture, it's important to share your life with your descendants. 

I opened up the journal to an entry when I would have been the same age as my kids are now.  My Mom mentioned that I had received a purse from my sister for Christmas, and also duly noted that I had attended the ballet with my brownie troop.

The lost purse was notably absent.

My Mom would have written every month, or after a significant event.  She wrote in the first person, as if I were writing my thoughts.  But obviously part of my thoughts were censored, the purse incident was simply too upsetting or negative to be included. 

At this point, I sit in awe, that with four kids, she had the time to write.  She would have been in her late twenties, younger than I am now.

As hard as her life was, I can appreciate that she did try to show me what love she was able to. 

It was nice to be vindicated (I must not have ms-remembered the purse), but also to note the very real occurrence of "only the good news" alive and well in my family from that era.

Life is Good

My brother (hi!) asked me how I was doing, mentioned that I haven't been updating this blog recently. 

That's because I've been off having adventures.  It's finally warm enough to venture outside, with proper attire.

Also, because my two have discovered the joy of internet gaming, so the limited time I would have had on a computer is now even more scarce.

But in general, life is good.  Each day/week/month has its ups and downs (that's life, right?)

Some things that have been going on:
-The kids have been on spring break, spending a lot of time with my in laws.  I miss them a lot, but also value the time to myself.
-I cleaned out my car, so I could actually drive co-workers around for lunch.  I am savoring the small victories.  
-We had people over last weekend, complete with a fire in the backyard.  I am still amazed the people will show up at our house and bring pot luck type dishes - and that the gatherings work so well. 
-My husband and I had peking duck at a local restaurant. 
-I'm trying to make house renovation plans and summer vacation plans.  They are both more difficult and time consuming than one would think.
 -I'm just taking more ownership of various things in my life. That is a post for another time. 
-I'm looking forward to seeing Sucker Punch- see the Hathor Legacy review here.
-Through it all, I'm trying to stay in the present and be mindful of who I am responsible for. Some days it works better than others.

Spring cleaning

Spring is over a month away.  But I have already started the process of slowly cleaning and organizing.

It's not one of my strong suits, and some days I am more at peace with that than others. 

I understand that spring cleaning traditionally meant taking your rugs and blankets outside to have the dust beat out of them.  This is a photo of a carpet beater from wikipedia.

For me, I find sitting inside the house, not doing much to be the perfect time to re-arrange a closet.  I guess the bug has bitten me this year.  Trying to let go of old clothes,  old tapes - lots of trips to donation centers and recycling areas.  Also, thoughts about additional organizing buckets and accessories. 

I realize it's a process - that may never be complete.  If anyone has any ideas about how to encourage children to part with toys that they never play with any longer, I'm all ears.  So far, the only thing that has been remotely successful is trying to sell said toys, and giving them the money.

self control and mormonism

I heard this article on npr the other day. It brought up some great points about allowing children to be responsible for themselves, delayed gratification, etc.

Like many mormons/former mormons, I grew up in an environment that was not terribly permissive. I was raised to be independent, but there was quite a bit of self-denial. It's that line between being cheap and being frugal - some of it was necessary for survival. I think it's safe to say that in many mormon families, there wasn't a lot of choice or accountability. One didn't get to "choose" to go to church, stake dances or seminary. Choice and accountability are important. If you don't choose to clean up your room, you miss out on a fun activity, etc. It's hard to explain, a person needs to be able to actually choose to do or not do something, not some sort of half-hearted attempt at "you *chose* to get baptized" (yeah right!).

For the baby boomer/conservative mormon parents, often something needed to be done simply because the parent said so and it was the right thing to do. period. And this method has its place as well, in moderation.

What the strict authoritarian family structure leads to people who don't have a great deal of internal knowledge or working boundaries. It's hard to internally figure out what *you* want, what *you* are feeling, to know your limits, if you're never allowed to explore them.

Some people leave the LDS church and really push the boundaries with self-destructive behaviors. It's a stereotype. Of course, I found many non mormon freshman who had the exact same response to leaving home. As soon as they were no longer under mom or dad's thumb, they threw caution to the wind. It happens. I'm not suggesting that experimenting isn't a part of life - and an important one. Not everyone reacts the same way - I have found over the years one can not make any generalizations about former mormons (and some current mormons).

The point of all this rambling is, raising children mormon does not necessarily do them a service in developing these internal compasses. Mormonism is intensely external. If nothing else, there is this belief that if you feel differently, if you receive a different answer, you're wrong, it's your problem (you're not righteous, whatever that means) or ask again. (I'm referring directly to the book of mormon, book of abraham, but even thorny questions about Joseph Smith's polygamy).

I can't say as a parent that I will be any better at this. From what I've figured out so far, limits and boundaries in parenthood has been critical. Routine has been important.

But I'm trying to also respect my kids for who they are, and allow them some age appropriate freedoms. I think moderation is the key. Moderation with important boundaries, health, safety, violence towards themselves or others.

I think kids are also watching parents (and other adults) to figure out how to respond to life. How to resolve conflicts. How and when to do stuff you don't want to do. How to handle grief and loss. How to have fun and let go. How to find that life between extreme self-denial and healthy, responsible self- control. And it should go without saying that the self-control is very different for each person/family.

English as a Second Language

We went to parent teacher conferences last week (my kids are doing wonderfully, by the way).

My daughter's teacher mentioned that there was a student who started out the school year not able to speak English. Now, this student is at the top of the class.  And, they translated the conference for their parents.

I have mixed feelings about this.  There's a part of me that is proud of this young person, and glad they have this opportunity. I hope they continue to learn English and to learn so quickly.  It will be a great advantage to them as they get older.

There's another part of me that's a little wistful - it's a lot of responsibility for a child to translate for their parents. 

I've written before about my grandmother, whose parents never learned English.  I don't know how she felt about translating for them - or how her siblings felt. 

Being a translator has a lot of power.  There are nuances that are difficult to translate.  You get to decide what to translate, and what not to translate. 

The teacher can say "Aerin needs to tuck her shirt in more" and I could decide to translate that as "Aerin does a good job of dressing appropriately".  A kindergartener is probably not going to attempt to re-translate.  But as they get older, they might. 

There are school employees whose job it is to translate between the parents and teachers.  Probably for just this situation.  Language has a lot of power, the person who has command of a language has a great deal of power.  I'm assuming since the student was doing so well, the teacher didn't feel that a translator was important to call in (other than the student themselves).

I remember my French teacher (back in high school) talking about her experiences translating.  An important person from France was visiting, and she was translating.  One of the things the French official was extolling about was the virtues of French  milk and French cows.  My French teacher translated this (word for word), and resisted the urge to smile or laugh.  She felt that American cows and milk were just fine, and the chances of us buying French milk instead of midwestern milk was unlikely.

Sick Kids

I had !Exciting Plans ! for this weekend, some involving non-refundable tickets. 

Then last night my son threw up at the gym.  And then my daughter woke me up at 1:30 in the morning, also throwing up.

At the risk of oversharing (too late ;)), it just reminds me of two things.

First, that my father in law's description about parenthood doesn't appear to change as one's children get older. 

And second, how grateful I am that I am no longer in the first three months of my twins' lives.  The first three months were really, really hard.  And particularly because of this very phenomonon, except that it would happen every night.  Every night one baby would wake up at 1:30 and the next would wake up at 2.

Now, parents with more than one child probably experienced this as well. 

But it's a bit different when both babies wake up three times (or more) each night.  People would always joke "ha ha, you won't get any sleep". 

What I didn't realize was how true that was.  

Sleep becomes so precious for parents of newborn multiples. Which is why I thought  the idea of a "night nurse" for a parent of a newborn was nuts.  This is a nurse that one pays to take the nighttime feedings.  But I can definitely see where it would be worth it. 

Fortunately, this is a rare occurrence these days.

Vintage Sesame Street

This is what we are watching at our house.  I watched quite a bit of Sesame Street as a child...I was surprised (although I shouldn't be) that so much is now online.

Kindergarten Homework and Uniforms

Some of my readers might be shocked that my two already have homework.  I don't remember homework from kindergarten, personally. 

Before I go on, I just wanted to explain exactly what the homework is.  The first part is reading.  Parents are supposed to read to their kids or with their kids three or four times per week. 

This part of the homework is pretty easy, since we were already doing that. 

The other part of the homework are simple worksheets and some suggestions.  They have a list of "amazing" words they are learning, and at home need to use those in a sentence.  The worksheets are along the lines of "find the letters in the picture" or match the shapes. 

I am not a fan of the current "teach to the test" mindset.  I think that it promotes kids who are good at memorizing and reguritating (ahem, like myself - I was a great test taker).  Do kids every really learn what they need to know?  Some of it sinks in.  And schools should have ways to measure a child's progress and make sure that the kids are getting the education they deserve. 

I also know that many people lament that kids are growing up too fast, aren't given enough time to play, etc.  I certainly don't agree with over-scheduling kids.  But reading with one's kids, discussing school and working simple worksheets are not unreasonable to my mind.  This homework takes a grand total of 30 minutes some weekdays.

It allows parents to understand where their children are at (in understanding) and for the kids to see how much the parents' value learning.  Is it busywork? Probably. Now if the homework weren't age appropriate, that would be one thing. 
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The school my children attend requires uniforms.  Back in the day, I would have chafed at the idea of uniforms (I wasn't nominated as more original dressed in the yearbook for naught). 

I have to admit, I really like the uniforms.  Basically, the district has said that the kids have to wear a handful of plain colored collared shirts and khakis.  There are three or four various colors for shirts, pants, shorts and skirts.  So it is still very possible to be original within the guidelines.  The brands of clothes aren't important either.

The school is full of kids from different socio-economic backgrounds.  Whenever I see all the kids - you can't tell which kids are from families who struggle, and which families are better off.  I'm sure if I looked closely, I could probably tell. 

But the pressure is off the parents to buy the latest over-priced outfit from an expensive designer store.  Or multiples of these types of outfits.

And it's not as if kids won't eventually need to get used to uniforms or a dress code.  Almost everywhere I have worked has had a strict definition of what is acceptable and what isn't.  Some argue that kids will not have the responsibility or ability to be unique, and I can understand this argument.  But for now, it's made getting ready for school a lot easier for us. 

I grew up in a neighborhood where many of the families were much wealthier than we were.  Some of this will happen anyway - the subdividing and cultural shifts.  The longer this subdivision of class can be held off, the better - to my mind. 

Pre-school post

I have a post up at Rational Moms about the Christian pre-school my kids attended.  Check it out!