Birthday parties

I love being a mom.  It's been exhausting and sometimes very stressful - but I've really enjoyed it so far.  I (usually) don't mind the homework, getting ready to leave in the morning - even stand-offs over food.  Well, my life would be easier without the stand-offs over food, but I digress.  I'm happy to continue to introduce new and interesting foods (and particularly healthy foods) for my kids to eat.  It's my job as a parent. 

And my kids are at a good age at the moment.  We can have conversations.  Of course, some of those conversations I was not ready to have just yet. 

But we go out and have adventures.   We go to parks, fairs, museums. 

So aside from cleaning (which is more difficult with young kids), I think that this birthday party thing is really stressful for me.  I think I'm going to give myself permission to put it on hiatus for the next few years.

We just had a birthday party for my kids.  It went well.  Expectations were properly set ahead of time - I was prepared (we didn't have a swim party because of the weather AND because it would be too difficult to coordinate). This is the third fourth birthday party (not just family) that we've had - and each one is stressful for me.  I've had help - I've had multiple adults help each time. Nothing has gone wrong - aside from fewer people attending than I expected.

I have no idea why birthday parties in particular are stressful for me.  I love having my friends over for parties - we host them regularly. 

I suppose it's that I keep going to other children's birthday parties and thinking "I could do this - this wouldn't be too stressful".  And yet - in the end, it ends up being stressful for me.  And I'm not even making a cake from scratch or homemade party favors. 

So this is my confession - I think I need to let this one go.  My kids will be just fine if they only have a few more birthdays or birthday parties with friends.  We still celebrate the birthdays with family - I even sent treats with them to school.  I know it means a lot to them (which is why they are insistent). 

But my time and mental energy are also important.  And it can't be useful to have a mom who is stressed out - living up to other people's expectations.   It's another case of - it's a good idea in theory, but in practice it doesn't work as well.  I'm giving myself permission to say no to this one. 

Twins' birthday and relationship with my parents post mormonism

We had a great, low key weekend celebration for the twins' birthday.

I've heard of people who do separate parties for their twins - at this point, this is not on the horizon. I think it would be hard to explain to one why they weren't getting any gifts. At this point, even at 2, they are determined that things should be equitable.

If my son, noggin, wakes up, he wants to know where his sister is. If they get some sort of semi-nutritious crackers as a snack, we have to give the same or similar amounts.

Last year's first birthday gathering was very hectic. We invited many of our friends, their kids and both of our families. We had a five and seven year old girls there. I have to say, 1 year old twins, a five and a seven year old are interested in completely different things. On top of that, my husband's 92 year old grandfather and his wife stopped by as well - the first time they had visited our home in the three years we had lived there.

I found afterwards I was exhausted, and I hadn't spent a lot of time with either twin.

So this year, we decided to go very simple. We invited family, period. We decided not to invite my husband's grandfather - who lives an hour away. We will probably go down and see him at some other point.

It worked beautifully. My dad helped fix our new double jogging stroller. My father in law helped set up the new water table/sand table (which was/is much loved). We didn't start the festivities until noggin and goose (my daughter) woke up from their afternoon nap, which they are still taking (thank goodness!!)

My husband grilled pork. We had cantaloupe for my daughter, goose - she loves cantaloupe and watermelon and eats them both like candy. They got simple gifts from the family members who know them well - cardboard blocks, shoes (goose loves shoes), a sand bucket, shovel and dvd's. My son (noggin) tried to hold the dvd's while he opened the other gifts. It didn't work so well.

All in all, it was a relaxing weekend, celebrating. I still have to pinch myself to admit that yes, I am a mom and yes, two years ago yesterday I went into full labor with these two wonderful, healthy children. I'm trying hard to call them kids/twins/children instead of babies, but it's not easy.

I know that the readers of this blog are at many different points in their lives. I will say, I am so glad my relationship with my parents is going so well. As I've written about before, they are mormon/LDS and are still pretty mormon (they go to the temple, my dad is the ward clerk, etc.) Yet they obviously love and value their grandchildren. When they come to visit (around once every three or four months), they spend time with us. They don't even attempt to attend a branch of their church (which I even offered to find the location for them). I know it's difficult to find substitutes for their classes and other responsibilities. It means a great deal. Clearly, we are important to them as well. It has taken us many years to get here. We
don't talk about mormonism.

I think they feel that I left because I was offended. While I think I've explained to them why I left and why I'm not going back, they probably will not be able to hear me. In the end, what they want to believe is their right.

I can't imagine being in Lemon
Blossom's situation - but I have to say, I'm not surprised that her parents drove nine hours to see her, without asking first.

This is part of the reason I don't live in the same town as my parents - since I know they would probably end up doing this (showing upunannounced) occasionally.

The LDS take a family member leaving very seriously. Some handle it differently
than others. Fortunately, unlike the Jehovah's Witnesses, there is no official policy of "shunning" a family member who has left the faith. while some LDS families may shun or mistreat a family member - it varies widely. From talking with other former mormons though - I know my situation is unique - and I feel fortunate every time we hang out with my parents.