Some holidays are about exclusion

Labor Day, Memorial Day and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. day aren't exclusive, but other holidays do seem a bit exclusionary at times. 

Life is, of course, what you make of it. 

When is something a genuine celebration?  To celebrate, do we sometimes have to define what we are, and what we are not? 

Take the recent Valentine's Day holiday.  I stopped liking V day back when I stopped getting holly hobby or wonder woman valentines in Elementary School. 

Back then, it was all about giving valentine's to one's friends, and eating chocolate, cupcakes and sugar cookies with pink frosting. That describes a holiday I can wholeheartedly support.

The older I got, however, the day seemed to be more about whether or not I was in a relationship - and if I was, what kind of gift my significant other got me. 

In discussing Valentine's traditions with friends over the years, it seemed as if only 5 to 10 percent were really happy with the day and the celebration.  Otherwise it was simply another measuring stick that a person or relationship didn't live up to.  Lots of unspoken expectations and assumptions.  Some of the traditions can be expensive (pricey jewelry anyone)?

But some people really love this holiday - and love honoring their significant others.  They are really happy in their relationships.  And I can't fault anyone for that.

Isn't that the point of some holidays?  To remind us of things we take for granted? To experience togethernesss with those we love?  Or to take the doldrums out of everyday living?

In the end, if people enjoy valentine's day and enjoy doing nice things for their significant other(s) - I think that's great.  And I also like the outreach of valentine's day beyond romantic relationships - giving gifts or candy for children or friends. 

But I still think there are some holidays that seem to focus on the haves vs. the have nots.  They focus on people who choose to celebrate, and those who don't.  Or they're just another way to spend money, to prop up the American economy.

Near Miss

Years ago, I was dating a guy who turned out to be a total jerk. Well, really, he did turn out to be a jerk in my opinion. This is not a label that I throw around lightly. After we dated, he kept getting in these relationships with women that followed a certain progression. He and his girlfriend would be attached at the hip. When they define "attached at the hip", there should be a photo of this couple. You would always see them together outside classes, one would be waiting outside of the class for the other to come out. It was spooky. Then, after around six months or so, he would dump them (the girlfriends), cold turkey. The girlfriends were left struggling to figure out who they were, struggle to develop friends, and figure out what was so alluring about the new girl. There wasn't just one that this happened to. Yes, of course, they were also part of this. I'm just holding him equally accountable.

I actually hold no ill will towards him. I thank whatever higher power that we broke up as quickly as we did. He's actually on my list of people that I can't believe I dated. And he still hasn't friended me on certain social networking sites, which is stunning.

Back in the day, he was of the mindset that friends had to like everything. It was a little disturbing. He would talk about friends of his from high school - how this small group had "the same excited reaction" to various movies, etc. Particular actors also invoked this reaction, shakespearean actors for example. Looking back on it, I wonder just how honest everyone was.

So one night, he wanted to watch a certain movie that he had a near spiritual experience to. He kept raving about the brilliance of this movie. How as soon as I saw it, I would get it.

I watched the movie. It was, in fact, pretty good.

It wasn't the best thing since sliced bread though. I certainly didn't have a spiritual experience. In fact, I was left wondering what the big deal was (another example of too much hype). I was honest with him about it, although perhaps I gave a rose colored glass perspective.

It was the beginning of the end of the relationship.

I was young, this was a long time ago, things might have changed since then. But I was struck by the notion that friends couldn't disagree. That people in relationships couldn't have separate lives and interests.

This weekend, I may go see a local choral performance. I was in choir in high school, and I loved it. When I think back on high school, the time in choir is one of the bright points. I may consider trying out for this choir at some point in the future. Who knows.

My husband doesn't share this passion. I wrote about our different interestshere. I don't think any less of our relationship for it. I don't think any less of friends of mine that can't stand choral music. There are lots of other things that we've found like this. Interests I have and he doesn't, or vice versa. Same with many of my friends.

I love that we have different interests and hobbies. I love that we have different reactions to things. It's thrilling to have things in common, but it's nice to have my own space. I can't imagine how boring it would be to like everything in the same amount. To have the same reactions to everything - what would be the point of conversation?