Crisis living - culture edition

Many years ago, shortly after the attacks of September 11th, I heard a report on npr.  It mentioned the loss of life and property in 2001.  There was an incredible loss of life and property in the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon.  But it mentioned that if a category 5 hurricane were to hit New Orleans, that there would be increased loss of life and property.  The reporting specifically mentioned the levees and the poor state they were in.

What the report was attempting to do was to put tragedy into perspective. 

And then some years later, in 2005, hurricane Katrina hit close to New Orleans. 

I will simply never understand why it takes a crisis for our country to act.  And it's not just the government, businesses are the same way.  Certain oil companies skimp on quality and safety measures, and skip the reviews of their vendors and contractors (to make sure they are following safety and quality).  And then a well blow out happens.

I think it's just a part of our current culture.  Most of the time, people will try and cut back - to not spend money if they don't have to. Things don't have to be ideal - but it seems to me that maintenance and infrastructure are an investment.

It is a difficult line to draw - and there is a big difference between necessary improvements and waste.  But it makes me angry that we knew the devastation of a hurricane like Katrina was possible and we chose to let it happen.  We can't figure out the probability of every disaster.  But there has got to be a way to invest and prioritize. 

An emergency on your part

I've been thinking about crisis living recently. I learned about living full of drama, crisis to crisis from an early age.  There was always something to be worried about.  There was always something to be concerned about. 

If nothing else, I remember (distinctly) sitting at the breakfast table with my mother, while she talked about her dreams the night before.  One dream/nightmare was that we would have to pack everything up and move to Missouri (in handcarts, because there wasn't any gas for cars)**.  We didn't live in Missouri at the time, so it would have been a long trip

As an adult, I've worked very hard at breaking free of this cycle.  Some days I succeed.

Currently there is some stuff going on that I could be freaking out about.  Five or ten years ago, this would have looked very different.  But I've learned that just because someone else is freaking out - doesn't mean *I* have to. 

It's like the classic copied sign behind the school secretary - an emergency on your part doesn't mean an emergency on my part.

I'm not feeling heartless.  Just that, living here in the present is pretty d*mn important to me. 

Figuring out whether or not something is a big deal (and worth getting upset about) is also critical.  And figuring out who I'm responsible for, and what I can control is what keeps me away from the drama.

It can be frightening; it has been frightening. 

It's like stepping back and asking yourself - who do I want to be?  Do I want to be someone caught up in what everyone else is doing, thinking and feeling each day?  Or do I want to focus on myself, on the beauty of what's around me, on the people I love? 

When the choice became that obvious, it really was no longer a difficult choice.



**(btw, for the non mormons out there, one of Joseph Smith's revelations was that all the Saints would gather in Independence Missouri in the "last days" before Christ returned.  Whether or not this is still the case, that most active LDS believe this, is debated amongst some mormons).

Freak out

So it's always nice when you realize that you have changed, that you are reacting differently to stimuli.

I got a great taste of that this week. My mother in law offered to pay for personal training sessions for my husband. Which is great - they are very expensive. And the way that our gym works, our credit card is billed every month for our membership.

My husband went for his first training session earlier this week and signed the contract. Everything so far is great. Until I checked the bank balance the next morning and we were -$200. Instead of waiting two or three days to send the payment through, they took it out that day.

Now, it's wonderful that I can actually log into my bank account - and perhaps I'm telling too much about our finances.

The point of all this is that a year or so ago, I would have flipped out. The idea of bouncing a check is quite terrifying for me. Particularly in this instance, for something I had absolutely no control over.

But instead of freaking out, going crazy, calling my husband when I found out (7:30 in the morning) - I took a deep breath. I thought about the worst thing that could happen, which would be that we would have to pay a bounced check fee. Or, if we were going to buy a house in the next year or so (which we're not), it would show up on the credit report.

I got ahold of my husband when I knew he was probably up and had drunk a cup of coffee, he took the check to the bank and deposited it. Turned out that we didn't go to a negative balance after all.

It's freeing to think of things in a different perspective. What I might have thought was a crisis was in fact, not a crisis.