I don't think that's an appropriate question.

In this post, I talked about taking care of myself (which I didn't learn growing up).

I have to say, this week I set some minor boundaries. But I find, after all this time, after all the things I've worked on and through - I confess I still sometimes feel guilty for setting those boundaries. And they are not invasive boundaries or terribly momentous boundaries.

In one case, it was a simple "I don't want to talk about this with you." and "I don't think I can talk about this particular issue with you and be kind and loving".

And, despite all of that, I found that to be uncomfortable for me.

I read a handful of articles, which mentioned that feeling guilty when we set boundaries means we're doing it right.

At least I can now recognize it (boundary setting) in others. I was at a party recently where a friend was asked her opinion on something her partner/significant was doing. It was a long conversation that I don't want to give the play by play here. My friend replied "I don't think that's an appropriate question". Not in an unkind or shaming way - but in an "I'm not going to answer that" type of way. I remember thinking "Right on!".

I'm sure my friend probably does have an opinion, and does have an interest in what her partner does. But she's saying that it's private, and between the two of them (not with some group of friends at a party).

Because I rarely saw that modeled growing up - I rarely saw someone (anyone) refuse to answer a question they thought was inappropriate (well, aside from responses during congressional hearings...'on advice from my counsel'...)

Such a simple gesture, sometimes so difficult for some of us (me). But important none the less.

Such a simple concept. I get to say no. I need to say no if by doing something, I will feel anger, bitterness and resentment. I get to say that a question is not appropriate or if I'm not comfortable talking about something in a group - particularly if I will feel uncomfortable or resentful by answering.

Not so easy in practice.

Constant Learning

I'm not sure how the association started, that learning happened only by teachers in schools.

It doesn't, and learning can be a life long process. I think back to the presidents (to name a few) and other historical figures who were self- taught. People can learn new things and new ways of being.

It's not often that someone will actually admit to learning something new. But I did the other day.

I was watching the show survivorman - a wilderness expert tries to survive in desolate areas with limited resources. Anyway, this adventure was in Labrador.

I had never heard of Labrador before (Obviously I also didn't take geography during my school years). I had heard of Labrador Retrievers (a dog breed), but never associated them with a place.

It's true, you can learn something new every day.

Freak out

So it's always nice when you realize that you have changed, that you are reacting differently to stimuli.

I got a great taste of that this week. My mother in law offered to pay for personal training sessions for my husband. Which is great - they are very expensive. And the way that our gym works, our credit card is billed every month for our membership.

My husband went for his first training session earlier this week and signed the contract. Everything so far is great. Until I checked the bank balance the next morning and we were -$200. Instead of waiting two or three days to send the payment through, they took it out that day.

Now, it's wonderful that I can actually log into my bank account - and perhaps I'm telling too much about our finances.

The point of all this is that a year or so ago, I would have flipped out. The idea of bouncing a check is quite terrifying for me. Particularly in this instance, for something I had absolutely no control over.

But instead of freaking out, going crazy, calling my husband when I found out (7:30 in the morning) - I took a deep breath. I thought about the worst thing that could happen, which would be that we would have to pay a bounced check fee. Or, if we were going to buy a house in the next year or so (which we're not), it would show up on the credit report.

I got ahold of my husband when I knew he was probably up and had drunk a cup of coffee, he took the check to the bank and deposited it. Turned out that we didn't go to a negative balance after all.

It's freeing to think of things in a different perspective. What I might have thought was a crisis was in fact, not a crisis.