Thoughts about the Ukrainian conflict

I've been watching the news in Ukraine with interest.  Obviously, as an ethnic Ukrainian I have an interest in what happens to the country.  Also as a Russian history major  I have an interest in how the two countries work out their differences.

Some brief thoughts about the conflict:
-Many Russians consider themselves the same ethnicity as Ukrainians. Ukraine is just another province or state, much like Alaska is for the U.S.  (Or  Quebec is for Canada).  So it's not cut and dry, but many Russians see this differently than Ukrainians.

-History is everywhere with this conflict.  Stalin and the Soviet Union committed genocide against the Ukrainian people. He starved millions of Ukrainians and had armed guards around the granaries.  He punished people for speaking Ukrainian. My great uncle returned to Ukraine in the 1980s as a Ukranian speaker and teacher.

Thanks for nothing Khrushchev!

-Crimea itself was a part of Russia/the Soviet Union until 1954 when Khrushchev gave it back to Ukraine in a political gesture.  This piece of land has been fought over for a long time and has changed hands often.

-In fact, my great-great grandfather lived in the same place in Ukraine but was a citizen for four different countries.  Austria-Hungary, Romania, Ukraine and Russia.  The territory has been fought over and changed hands often (as Colbert points out, anyone who plays Risk knows this).

-East vs. West in Russia and Ukraine has been a long standing tension/philosophy.  Most historians agree it started with Peter the Great.  Throughout modern Russian history figuring out that balance of embracing the west and western culture while keeping the unique parts of Slavic culture has been a challenge.  Anyone who doesn't see that tension doesn't understand some of what's going on behind the scenes in this conflict.

-While the Soviet Union was a great geo-political power, that country failed.  The political system failed, for many reasons.  Returning to those days is not feasible.  Both countries need to move forward, to continue to grow and reform.  Sure, lots of older people/pensioners in Russia wish for the day when things were stable and guaranteed.  But that stability was based on the blood of many dissidents and on genocide.  Going back is not tenable. Both countries will need to reform and make changes (some difficult changes) to make things fair and equitable.

Communist rally Moscow 1996

I support de-escalation of the conflict - a diplomatic solution.  There may yet be a diplomatic solution possible.

I don't support countries invading other countries' sovereign territory.  I support Ukraine.

It is in the U.S. interest for both our political parties to work together for a resolution to this conflict - not to let party politics get in the way.

I don't want to see open war between the two countries, and I hope that doesn't happen.  It would be (for me) a little like the U.S. going to war with Canada.  It would be a poor solution and no one would win.

Sochi 1996

I have such mixed feelings about the Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia.

Sochi 1996 view from hotel

I've been watching them for a week now, and been just thrilled to see the competition (but also thrilled to see such a beautiful location).

We visited Sochi on a weekend trip back in December 1996.  We rode the train there and stayed in hostels.  Many friends actually swam (it was that warm).  I just remembered all the plants, the architecture was amazing.

But I am distressed by the human rights actions in Russia (and have been for some time).  The imprisonment of Pussy Riot, the freedom of the press.  I am pro-GLBT rights, pro human rights.  

Me @Sochi 1996

So I'm conflicted that by supporting the games, I'm supporting the Russian government and its policies.  

One thing I did learn, all those years ago was that the people were separate from the government.  That just because the American government decided to do things that I supported their actions.  And that the Russian people were generally the same.  It is a complex issue.  So I support the athletes, and I support the peaceful protesters.  

And I do wish I were there now, despite losing most of my Russian language skills.

Human Interaction part 2 - cultural taboo

This is another article in the series I mentioned yesterday about human development and behavior.   I find the notion of taboo fascinating.  What is taboo in our culture, and what is taboo in other cultures (they're not always the same).

In this part of the series, the interviewer and main interviewee talk about complex social interaction.  One of the things that the woman brings up is that some conversation topics are taboo.  One she mentions is death. 

Oops. 

I didn't realize talking about death was a taboo :). 

I believe there are different layers of conversation, times when some topics are okay, and times when they are not.  That's what I've learned over the years, anyhow.  Personally, I've struggled with tact and appropriate behavior for quite some time.

Yet I find that the people I'm drawn to, the people I find interesting are almost always the ones who push that envelope.  Who bring up uncomfortable truths no one wants to talk about. Not in a hurtful manner, of course, that's not easy to be around either. 

It's a balance - and a difficult line to tread.  I have sympathy for people who aren't able to navigate that line - who may be pre-disposed to not see those taboos or effortlessly navigate complex social interaction.

With that said, the cultural taboos I found in Russia were fascinating as well. They were not second nature to many of us (the American students).  Fortunately, some students had been there before and sent us a workbook full of tips.  Some could be considered superstition - but the line between taboo and superstition isn't terribly far.  Things like women were not supposed to sit on concrete or the ground (bad luck).  Or to give an even number of flowers (it meant death). 

I don't know if there were conversation topics that were taboo, I never understood the language or culture enough. 

Kasha

One of my all time favorite breakfast foods is cracked wheat. It must be the Ukrainian in me. I was shocked, while in Russia, to find this dish called something else (kasha). From what my host family said, there are five different types of kasha (which wikipedia supports). I knew about wheat, corn and oats, but not the others.

Cracked wheat is pretty much like mainlining fiber.

My parents had lots of wheat lying around, so they would use a home grinder to make flour (or cracked wheat). You can also buy pre-cracked wheat packaged at most grocery stores here in the states (I've been able to find it there).

The worst part about it is that it takes around twenty minutes to cook, which is around nineteen minutes and thirty seconds too long for me in the mornings. Like oatmeal, it can also be messy.

You can add honey or jam (with cream) but I prefer plain old granulated sugar and milk.

Not sure why I was thinking about cracked wheat or kasha this morning, but I was. Now I'm wondering if my kids would try it.

Nobody knows it

Every so often, I overhear two co-workers of mine walking the halls while speaking Russian to one another.

It gives me this secret thrill because I partially understand what they are saying. And they don't know it.

Smiling all the time

I've mentioned before that I studied in Russia for three months back in the 90s. It was an amazing experience and eye-opening for many reasons.

My host family didn't have a car, and the public transportation was good (if not reliable. So I was able to observe quite a bit.

As college students, we were told that Russians generally thought Americans smiled too much. They told us it seemed that Americans smiled all the time. That in Russian culture, smiles were generally reserved for good friends, for times you were genuinely happy.

One day, I remember seeing a babushka (an older woman) walkng down the street crying, tears rolling down her cheeks. She didn't appear homeless or unkempt. I couldn't tell if she was in physical pain, or perhaps had lost a loved one recently. Perhaps she was thinking about loved ones she had lost during World War II and Stalin's purges. I was only looking out the window from the tram - and we quickly passed. (This is not the woman, this is only a photo of a random woman from that time).




What struck me was the incredible difference in our cultures. I can't imagine a person in American culture walking down the street openly crying (not homeless). And no one noticing. And no one stopping that person to ask if they could help or what was wrong. A person was given their space. And they also didn't have act happy or put on some sort of false face.

Because, let's face it, that was/is a country with separatist regions. Where many people (especially older people) are desperately poor and also probably hungry.

That's not to say that I didn't observe tremendous social pressure in Russia, or kindness and caring. Just that the attitude towards pain and suffering was very different.

It does seem a little ridiculous in our culture that we're supposed to hold it together no matter what. In the pilot of "Six Feet Under", the oldest brother Nate laments the stuffy/hidden nature of most American mourning. If a widow or other relative breaks down during a funeral, they're taken to another room to be comforted. Because that brash, intense display of sorrow might be too much for the family and friends. It wouldn't be dignified.

We are social creatures and creatures of habit. Sometimes it's nice to have someone share a smile, pat you on the back and say "we're here for you". Or "we're thinking/praying for you".

I say, there are some things that it takes time to bounce back from. Some that we'll never get over. I'm not about to tell people how to feel - but I will say - it's okay to mourn. To have a bad day. To have a bad week, month or even year. It's okay to not be perky all the time.

Below are two additional photos I took at the time, the first of a home/business.



This is some trash that was in the hallway the entire time I studied at the university. Although, I have to say, I just emptied some file folders at my work that had been sitting there for 5 years, with the dust to prove it. So things do have a way of sitting around, no matter which continent you are on.

Count your Blessings

I have quite a lot to be grateful for.

I'm not talking about the teary "I'm grateful my cat was run over by a car so I could remember my faith".

I'm talking about being grateful for the good things in my life. I was talking with my husband about this last weekend. It's just easy to focus on things that aren't going how I planned or expected. To dwell on the disappointments or hypocrisy of others in my life.

- We're not living with my in laws

I am completely serious. I love my in laws, particularly my mother in law. They are great, supportive people. They even have a fairly large home. I am so glad we do not have to live with them. Even live in a trailer on their property and come inside for coffee in the morning. We could (theoretically) move in with them if times were tough. I'm just thankful we don't have to. I know they are also grateful that we don't have to.

- We don't have other random family members or friends living with us

Another thing to be grateful for. Various family members/friends have lived with us for short periods of time, but I must say, it's better for everyone that we now live in separate houses/homes.

- We have our health

No explanation needed for this one, I'm sure.

- We have good, supportive, healthy friends

It is not easy keeping up friendships with two three year olds. It wasn't easy before the kids were born either.

I view each of those friendships as a gift.

Because friendship is hard work. Looking outside of yourself and caring about others is also hard work.

- My children are incredibly intelligent, healthy and reasonably well-behaved

Every parent wants to believe that their child is the most intelligent child ever. In our case, we know that to be absolutely true.

- We have an amazing library (free) and the internets

In Russia, I asked my host family if I could visit the library. It was closed, for the entire 4 months I was there. They told me even if I went to the library, there wasn't much there. While I disagree with some of the spending practices of our current library system, I have a lot to be grateful for.

The internets are also pretty amazing. I can communicate/keep up with people all over the U.S. and the world.

If you don't find the interwebs entertaining, you haven't been looking in the right places. How else would I find photoshopped star wars characters in various movie posters/scenes? Or cats with funny quotes (one can never get enough of the cats with funny quotes).

I could go on, but I won't. Things like a safe and secure (non war torn) country, free speech, my job/career, education, amazing food, etc. etc. Everything is not necessarily rosy, but it's not dark and dismal either.

Host Family

At some point, I will have to write some in depth posts about my study in Russia, my amazing family, my life-altering experiences, etc.

This is not that post (but one may be forthcoming).

On msn I saw an article about a foreign exchange student that was starved with the caption "Would you send your kids abroad"?

Well, I don't know about what happened there.

I do know, with my host family and our group of American college students - most everyone GAINED fifteen pounds. Not only is Russian food wonderful - it's also full of fat. Most everything is cooked in butter or "macla" - oil. They have this wonderful sour cream "smetana" - that is so different from typical bland American sour cream. They must put some sort of lard in it or something - it just tastes more rich.

To describe a dish I remember - perogis (potato dumplings, like ravoli) served with grilled onions (grilled in butter) - with smetana on the side.

Because of the generous living allowance given to the families, typically meat was on the menu. Each night. Woe to any vegetarians who want to try and stick it out for four months. There were options - but most of the food there is heavily meat based.

The family was only on the hook for two meals (breakfast and dinner) but most of the conservative matriarchs in the families didn't trust any food made outside the home. This translated, for one of my friends into being sent to school "the university" with "buterboards" (sandwiches) - salami and cheese.

These same conservative matriarchs were incredibly concerned that we ate enough, that when we returned to the States, that our families would know that we had been well fed. I believe it's a cultural thing. It just makes me laugh - we were all very fortunate that our host families took the "host" and "family" labels very seriously.

You've Got a Friend In...

I spent three months studying in Krasnodar Russia in 1996. It was an eye-opening experience. I'm sure many things have changed - since that was eleven years ago.

Things changed very quickly there. The first set of American students in the program may have taken jeans or other things to sell in Krasnodar. By the time we got there, there were lots of cheap jeans made by Russians that would work fine.

They had some things (like Mars bars), but not others (Reese's peanut butter cups). They had regular coke or pepsi, but not diet coke. Krasnodar is a city around 16 hours by train south of Moscow. It had a population of one million.

Some Russians (in 1996) had never seen Americans before and thought we might be German. But we were not the focus of intense scrutiny that I'm sure we would have been fifteen years earlier.

But one of the things I found fascinating was the wealth of bad American television that many Russians watched.

With the collapse of the Soviet Union, televisions became more accessible to everyday Russians.

With the advent of television, in came a ton of overdubbed foreign programming. Most of it was from Hollywood, and a lot of it was really bad. For example, I remember watching the movies "Warlock" and "Harem" with my host family. No offense to anyone who may have worked on the movies themselves, but they were pretty bad.

My Russian Literature professor claimed that all American movies had to do with s_ex, drugs or criminals, and it was difficult to contradict him. I finally came up with the movie "The Mission" - but he claimed it was a historical film and therefore didn't count.

Most Russians watched the movie "Pretty Woman" and thought that was a good example of life in the US. It should go without saying that we had a lot of stereotypes to fight against.

So with all the B movies that were translated into Russian, there were a ton of soap operas. The soap operas typically ran in prime time and the whole family watched them. One I remembered watching was a Brazilian soap opera called New Victim, or in Russian Novoy Djertva. It was definitely a soap opera - with evil mothers in law, young couples in love, etc.

Some of the Russians I talked to were fascinated by the new programming. They remembered the old tv shows that were not necessarily very interesting -but Soviet correct. Others bemoaned the loss of community. My host grandmother remembered sitting in the apartment courtyard and singing folk songs. Whether or not this was true - without television, people probably found a great deal more to do.

A Russian joke went:
A Russian woman wanted to travel to the United States. The consulate asked her who she knew in the United States, who she would be visiting. She says "I'm going to Santa Barbara. I know all the people there".