No Hippie Chick

Back in the early 90s, there was a resurgence of 60s fashion.  It was a type of new hippie culture (because everything comes back in again eventually).  It was related to grunge, but distinctly different.  It involved lots of patchouli, some lava lamps, long flowy skirts, beads, etc. 

Much to the chagrin (amusement??) of most of my friends (now), I was part of this movement back in the day.  My then boyfriend and I waited in line outside a cd/record shop for tickets to a Grateful Dead show.  This was back when all members of the Grateful Dead were still alive (to show my age).  I confess, I'm not sure that I was such a fan of the Grateful Dead, but he was.  And we were attached at the hip back in the day - so naturally we would go together.  There were (are) some songs I liked, and I did like some of the calico type fabrics and tie dye. 

For the record, all of this was stone cold sober.

Don't ask. 

(I remember a conversation about Deadheads with him, about how the "true" fans weren't about the drinking or drugs. What can I say, I was young - and the culture was pretty far from mormon culture - even, arguably, the antithesis of mormon culture).

He and I used to hang out at a great little local shop.  They sold (and made) beads. They sold lava lamps, essential oils and Grateful Dead/Phish stickers.  Bumper stickers with roses, skeltons, etc.  It was run by two women, friends,moms - who had been big Deadheads from the 60s.

(This is a photo of me from the time.  I look so angry because I was, because it's in front of my parents' church, which I had been forced to go to and was not happy about.  Who's idea was it to take a photo there anyway?  But this is the type of thing I used to wear.  And I'm no longer so angry as I was then.  Is anyone??)

The point of this post is not a trip down memory lane. 

A few weeks ago, I had an hour to myself.  My husband was watching the kids, I had an hour to killbefore 8 p.m., and needed to look for a gift.  Somehow all the swanky gift shops closed at 7. 

Now, in the town I live in, gift shops don't stay open all hours of the night (as they do in other, more populated parts of the midwest).  I had a specific idea of the kind of gift I wanted - it was a theme gift.  I wanted some sort of pin or charm with a book on it or a steaming cup of coffee/tea.  Shouldn't be so difficult to find, right?

Needless to say, some of the shops (like the one I described above) are still around. They've changed, they have new merchandise, but they are similar. Although the new hippie movement sort of died, some parts of the culture are still around, and going strong.  And I thought - maybe - maybe they might have a pin or charm there, right?

So back to this evening, I'm still wearing my business casual (i.e. work) clothes.  Not even really fashionable work clothes, because I'm a mom, and work in a conservative industry.  And being on the cutting edge of fashion just isn't me. 

And I don't wear tie dye shirts and long flowy skirts to work.  Most of the time. 

What was amusing (to me) is that as soon as I stepped in this particular store, looking for a pin - I could tell I was out of place.  One of the salespeople came up to me almost immediately, asking if he could help me find something.  I think the idea that I would be there, browsing...well - I'm assuming that most of their customers don't look or dress like me. 

Isn't it interesting - to have been "in" - to be normal and natural.  And now, I'm no longer "in".

I look suspicious and require special attention. 

It was just really amusing to me - considering my above "hippie" credentials.  I should have broken out my old tie dye shirt (I still have one) just for the occasion.

PS.  Hippie Chick post title stolen from an early 90s song by Soho.

letting go

I talked about letting go a little here.

I just have to say, there is so much that I let go of on a daily basis. I let go of situations I can't change or impact. When I start worrying, dwelling or arguing about a situation/belief - that's when I remember - oh yeah - I gotta let this one go.

I let go so I have time and energy to appreciate what I do have.

I stop trying to figure out why some things are the way they are.

I'm not severing ties with some of these relationships or situations, but I am taking a step back.

There is a ton of beauty out there. I'm glad I'm able to appreciate it.

PS. I can sit back and try and figure out - why didn't I get this before now? There isn't an answer to that...I can just be grateful that I figured it out with lots of help from various friends, writers, etc.

Gifts and Obligation

I'm reading Pride and Prejudice for the first time. I know it's a classic, somehow I never read it before now.

I'm struck by the nature of obligation which runs throughout the novel. I won't give specific examples, but if you've read the novel and are not amazed by the simple things that are enormous social gaffs (in early nineteenth century upper class British society) I would be shocked. Speaking to someone without being properly introduced is a good example. Or interrupting a person after they have read three pages of a sermon you're not interested in. I'm sure that the picture that Jane Austen presents of that society is realistic and accurate.

In our society, obligation is not always so cut and dry. It's often very difficult to determine what a person is "obliged" to do. Holiday gift giving is the perfect example of suchtreacherous waters. It's difficult to know what's being "polite" and what is being truly caring for those around you and yourself.

It would seem if someone gives you a gift, you are obligated to give them one (of equal makeup) in return. But I would argue that this is not necessary and not necessarily healthy. I have known many people over the years who go into debt (and some tremendous debt) to return a gift.

I spoke a little bit about this attitude in my post here.

I'm a fan of my friend north node's best gift evah bloghere. The blog authors (NN and Susania) discuss various gift giving strategies and wisdom. I certainly believe in showing the people in your life that you care about them.

Perhaps I'm just rationalizing the fact that once again this year, my family and I will receive gifts that we will not be able to return in kind. In some cases, we haven't been exchanging gifts for years now. And we have a relationship of equals, people of a similar age and financial ability.

I would make gifts, but I've found that even making gifts can also be expensive. Some craft supplies don't run cheap. And there are some people who will wear a scarf that I've knit or eat a fruitcake that I've baked and some who will not. As an example, I made some bath supplies for family members some years ago, and each time I visit my parents' home I see that the bath oil is still relatively unused in the guest bath. I know many people really appreciate homemade gifts, but some do not.

I have to trust that the people who are giving gifts realize they will not be reciprocated, and realize that they don't have to give us those gifts.

I've been told (repeatedly) that to actually say that they don't have to give us the gifts is rude.

So I'll do it here.

Thank you so much for your generosity. It is truly appreciated. We cannot return your generosity. I don't think it will be returned in the near future, unless we were to win the lottery. We may even spend some of our money on things you might not agree with, instead of on gifts for you and your family.

My attitude may sound awfully selfish. And perhaps it is selfish. I was certainly raised to believe that it was selfish to take care of myself first and others second.

Yet if I've realized anything over the years, it's that I have to start with myself first, and stop depending on what other people think. I trust that I will be able to give and support when it's really needed, and not give (and go into debt) out of a sense of obligation.

the little things

So I could go into the big things I'm grateful for, kids, husband, friends, family, job, etc. but I'll spare you. I am, by the way, grateful for all those things.

I would like to go into some of the little things this week I've realized I'm incredibly thankful for.

*Being able to park my car in the garage

This was actually a more difficult project than you would think. We put together two sheds for our yard, and with the resulting space - I can now park my car in our garage. It's a tight fit, but it is SO nice not to have to scrape my car in the morning. I'm sure it's also my little part for global warming.

*Pre-made pie crust

One of my great grandmothers was famous for her pie crust (which used lard)and tasted awesome anyway. I can actually make my own pie crust.

I am so glad I don't have to. Last night, I made pumpkin pie with noggin (my son) and goose (my daughter). It is so easy to just roll out that store bought crust, which still tastes good.

*Gas prices have gone down

Our budget certainly can use the lowered gas prices at the moment. We are now saving anywhere from $25 to $30 each time we fill up the tank. Believe it or not, that adds up. I hope there will still be the political will to fund public transportation. Even with lower gas prices, I hope people will remember how hard those $4.25 a gallon prices were to their budgets. It hurt many of us. Some of us are still reeling and many are in need this season.

Let's learn from history and not repeat it. We went through this in the 1980s. Everyone was gung-ho on alternative fuels in the late 70s. Then gas prices dropped in the mid-80s and the political will evaporated. We need a long term solution.

*The internet

I know it sounds crazy, but I would never have thought fifteen years ago that I could publish all sorts of stuff on the internet and people would actually read what I had to say. I never thought that I could find a community of various people (including former and current mormons) and such a diversity of thought and opinions.

The interwebs are pretty cool. Even social networking sites are pretty cool - it's nice to see photos of friends I'd lost touch with, keep up with what they're up to on a day to day basis.