Monday, November 10, 2008

wry questions

First of all, if you would still like to ask me questions, please feel
free to. The original post is here.

I'm still working on my candidate questions. For the record, even though the U.S. election is over, I still think that my issue is pretty d*mn important.

Wry asks:
Here's a question: What is your husband like? Is he a nevermo? What does he think of all this post-mo stuff? Is he a SAHD?

It shouldn't be surprising to anyone that I don't talk a lot about my husband here. I think that's mostly because I try to keep our relationship private (i.e., between he and I, not out there searchable on the internet).

This is a post from a long time ago about our first date.

The funny thing is, I think the other people who know both of us in real life can attest to this. I think it would be difficult to really understand me until you meet him. That sounds completely odd, but that's the way I feel. One of my former roommates in college was upset (I heard from a mutual friend) when she found out my husband and I were dating. She thought he was "too aggressive" for me. Again, with that comment, I don't think she really knew/understood me (for many other reasons I won't go into).

He's pretty brash. He says a lot of things that push the envelope. In some ways, we are complete opposites, but in other ways, we're very much alike. A mutual friend once mentioned that he says the stuff that I won't say. He is someone who is a reactive intuitive, in other words, he makes judgments quickly and intuitively (often, they are accurate, which can drive a person nuts, btw). I'm someone who wants to take in as much information as possible from all different perspectives.

Yes, he is just about as much of a never mormon as there is. His Mom was raised Catholic, and his Dad is still pretty religious (but not evangelical). His Dad worked closely with a Mormon many years ago, and actually has a good understanding of mormonism and mormon doctrine (compared with some nevermo's I've met). My husband dated someone who was mormon in high school, she would never let him get within two feet of her (he says). Her dad also gave him a book of mormon at that time. They broke up but remained friends.

What does he think of all this post-mo stuff? Well, that's a great question.

In 1999, I was bored at my (then) work and started searching for mormon stuff on the internet. Almost ten years later, I'm still reading lots of former mormon websites. Because, I don't think anyone can really understand what being raised mormon is like unless you've been there. I don't think you can understand the unique position some of us are in. AND - former and at times current mormon opinion is just so d*mn interesting. There, I've said it.

Most of the time, I don't think my husband understands this interest - since I haven't been mormon for such a long time. I think he tolerates it. On the other hand, we have lots of interests that are not shared. He will talk about amps with a person for a long time. I cannot tell you how amazingly boring I find those discussions. My eyes literally glaze over. In other words, he has his interests, I have mine. I am perfectly accepting of the fact that he likes amps (amplifiers). I think that's great. I'm just not interested in them.

Finally, yes, my husband is a SAHD. We have been so fortunate that was possible for our family. I talked a little about our decision here. Every so often, we revisit the decision. Is it still working for us? Now that the kids are potty trained, we have even more options than we did before.

I won't say that the separation of household responsibilities has been easy, because it hasn't. It's taken a tremendous amount of communication and readjustment of expectations (on both sides). My husband is a great Dad. Sometimes he is more conscious than others - I do tend to be overly critical and think about these ypes of things too much. He has more of a zen parenting philosophy, which works. He is devoted to our kids, and that means a great deal to me.

P.S. - The other thing about being married to someone who has never been mormon is trying to explain some facets of mormon doctrine. Kolob, for example, is a very difficult concept to explain. It's difficult to defend something that you don't agree with or believe in. Then again, I'm not searching for the world to be rational, or that some beliefs aren't just difficult to defend period. Some things we just can't explain. This falls under that category from my perspective.


Freckle Face Girl said...

It is refreshing to have someone who can speak out for you. My husband is extremely friendly and chatty. He loves talking to people and strangers, when I tend avoid it. In that aspect, I think it makes a nice balance.

My husband has absolutely no understanding of "the church." He doesn't even know much about religions, so I just leave it like that.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Mr C is not into religion either, so we don't talk about it much. Which is fine with me -- I get my fix from outer blogness and the damu. Which is awesome.

Mr C is also a stay-at-home spouse, which I love. And he loves too, now, though it was an adjustment. He is also a bit more chatty than I am.

- wry

PS -- my verification word is "werin" :-)