Thursday, June 18, 2009


My anxiety levels have been through the roof recently. And it's odd (for me) because nothing has really changed.

Things are going well and have been pretty stable for some time now.

I hesitate to even mention this, as it's over-sharing no doubt, but I also try to be pretty honest about my journey and where I'm at.

And, if there is one person reading this blog who has ever been remotely near this place (where I am), and thinks twice about getting help because they think "well, aerin did it, so maybe I can too" - that's why I'm bringing this up.

So a person doesn't feel like they are the only person on earth who has ever felt this way. Where I physically feel a tightness in my chest - it's hard to breathe.

Deep breathing/meditation doesn't seem to help. Haven't broken out the "Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" yet, but that's helped in the past.

I'm going to make an appointment and get it checked out. Who knows where the journey will lead.

I'm so thankful that the stigma on this type of thing is disappearing.

It is still there. And it's not covered by some health insurance (another complaint I have)....

Sometimes I still even hear people say something like "you have to be really crazy to..." but honestly, I feel it's a little like alcoholism and addiction. Sure, there are a ton of people out there who are severe alcoholics/addict, the wild off the wall non functioning type who are homeless, family -less or worse because they can't stop drinking - the 10% or so. Then there are the rest who may have a problem, but they keep up with their job, their families, some of their responsibilities. In other words, functioning alcoholics.

Yeah, I know that functioning line is hard to draw.

What I'm saying is, I don't have to have lost everything in my life to realize I need help.

Someone wise I read recently mentioned that in our culture/society - we know so many buzzwords for self-help and therapy that we don't think we really need to work on things - with a professional. The idea of opening up can be terrifying.

I grew up in a family where the stigma was incredibly real. As I've mentioned before, my own mom went years before being officially treated and diagnosed. I remember hearing that shrinks weren't interested in helping anyone, just keeping people in therapy. I heard that if we all just prayed more, and read the scriptures we would be okay.

And I can't help but think sometimes about all that wasted time. If we hadn't been fighting that stigma as a family.

Ignoring the problem didn't work for us then and it will definitely NOT work for me now.

So I'm going to continue to breathe. Wish me luck.


carrie said...

thinking of you and wishing you the best...

Freckle Face Girl said...

Such a great healthy attitude. Good for you.

The stigma certainly is strong with religious people. I wonder if for Mormons that the problem has some roots in spending money on “non-essential” things. The more I am around Mormons the more it makes me laugh about what they consider frivolous - like professional haircuts for kids. **sorry a bit off subject.

C. L. Hanson said...

Good luck on your journey -- it sounds like you're starting off in the right direction. Don't worry about the stigma. Just do what you need to do.

Aerin said...

Thanks Carrie for your kind thoughts.

Thanks FFG. Yeah - what is "essential" is often debated, isn't it??

chanson - thanks for your support. That's exactly where I'm at (doing what I need to do).