Since you asked: I'm a fan

I'll confess, I love Cary Tennis' advice column on salon.

I'll admit to having read lots of advice columnists before, but for some reason, I enjoy his column more than others. I suspect that it has to do with the boundary setting/expectation lowering/detachment that is often a part of his responses.

Here are two that I particularly like.

My ex grew her hair long for the new guy. I begged her to grow her hair long when we were together, but she kept it short. Why has she grown it out now?


For this first one, I can totally see this. Either that the ex did it realizing it would upset her first husband, or just because she felt like it.

Human relationships are really, really odd. If I've learned anything in the past, I've learned that. Motivations are complex for all sorts of things.

And - my mother is crazy, what can I do?

She has persecution complexes and paranoia, which is why she won't see a doctor!


For this one, I think it goes without saying why it speaks to me - I appreciate Cary's response. There's nothing you can do about a parent who won't help themselves. Sadly.

There are some things you can do, but you have to prepare for the consequences. And simply live your own life.