Well, how should we react?

In this post, I talked about how in Russia, people would be openly unhappy and no one was perturbed by it.

Sometimes in our (American) culture, it seems like we're supposed to feel certain things. The proper reaction is x. It could be mourning, or soul-searching. Or being so upset about something that you don't try to laugh or enjoy life.

Just because a person has gone through a difficult experience, doesn't mean that's their entire life, or should color their reactions throughout the rest of their life. That's not fair for me to determine how much power that experience should have over someone else (it's actually rather arrogant of me/one to assume how another person should react).

Recently, a friend was talking about a divorce (note to any readers who may be wondering, no regular readers/posters online), and how one of the people in the divorce was still giving upbeat status updates on a social networking site**. Oh, and keeping up friendships. My friend was distressed about the upbeat status updates.

It's true, the original person (getting the divorce) may be in denial. This can be a difficult situation, and very painful for everyone. I can't say.

On the other hand, if there's anything I'm learning, it's that I have no idea how other people are feeling or "should" be feeling.

I can give support and listen - but I'm not going to prescribe that someone wear "ashes and sackcloth" (isn't that from the bible somewhere??)

No doubt, if the person WAS constantly dwelling and talking about their misery over the divorce, people would judge and say they should just "get over it" and "stop being so negative".

A person can't win.

I appreciate it when people are trying to mourn their losses and show authentic feeling. And if they are happy and able to enjoy life (no matter what the circumstances), I say that's great. Not to be mean or spiteful, but to find some measure of serenity.

Worrying about other people's reactions to your happiness (or anxiety) will only drive a person nuts.

**If nothing else, people aren't always completely "real" on social networking sites anyway, so this may be a moot point. I'm certainly conscious of what I write, and share things with close friends, not with everyone on the networking site.

I am so happy for you

One of the interesting things about social networking sites is re-discovering friends or acquaintances from the past. Sometimes it can lead to awkward interactions and ignored friend requests.

But sometimes it can tell you more about a person that you might have lost touch with. Through friending, one can find out information about where that person is at, what they ended up doing, where they work now, etc.

One person I recently found had a raw deal (my opinion) after graduation. From what I remember, her long term boyfriend had asked her to give up opportunities after graduation so they could be together. Then, a few weeks prior to graduation, they broke up (I believe he broke up with her). Yes, she was just as responsible for giving up that chance, but it was still not exactly fair. I remember her talking about how she struggled to get her feet under her and to make new plans. The opportunity she had passed up was gone.

It's been over ten years, and she and I had lost touch. But I noticed that she's now married, and really happy. I'm not suggesting that being married, having kids or graduating from a grad program (or medical school) equals happiness.

If there's one thing I've learned over the years, there is no guarantee for happiness.

I'm just glad to hear that she is back on her feet and happy. There are a lot of people that I've known over the years that I simply wish every happiness.

Happy

Things that make me smile:

1 - Iced coffee

I love drinking iced coffee in the summer. I don't pay the $4 plus for the iced mocha latte - I just put ice in a larger coffee cup, pour coffee and add skim milk.

2 - Splashing around in the kiddie pool with my kids

Our kiddie pool might have sprung lots of leaks, but it still holds some water.

My son was creating huge splashes by jumping up and down - landing on his rear. I think the diaper helps protect some of the potential pain in that endeavor.

3 - Fresh tomatoes

We were able to grow tomatoes in our garden this year. Some plants are producing more than others - but there's nothing quite like a tomato straight from the garden.

4 - this blog and its readers

You are great people! It's nice not to be typing into a vacuum!

5 - Dilbert

I still love this comic strip. When I was in high school, working at the library, the librarians used to tell me it was funny - I didn't get it. I now work in and office - and I get it. My cube wall is decorated with cut out comics that were particularly relevant at some point in my career.

6 - Sam Adams light beer and Edy's slow churned light ice cream

I'm glad to have found them both. The light ice cream tastes like regular ice cream, but has half the fat and a third of the calories. I love ice cream (I'll even eat it in the winter) so it's great to have something that makes me feel less guilty.

The Sam Adams brand beer tastes pretty good for light beer, and is definitely better than other types of light beer that I've tried. Popular American brands of light beer taste really watered down. I'll drink them, but they're not my first choice.

7 - I can wear sandals to work in the summer

This may not be a big deal to others, but I do know people who aren't able to wear sandals to work. They are so much more comfortable for me. I particularly like not having to wear nylons in the summer.

8 - Spell check

This was a wonderful invention. I never was very good at spelling. Spell check isn't infallible - but it is very helpful for those of us who forget the i after e rule. Now what I need is a better grammar check than the one built into Word.