Wednesday, June 11, 2008

You've got to ask for help

This is something that I struggle with - a lot.

Both asking for help - and also waiting for people to ask for help. Growing up, most of the people in my life did not ask for help. They either just assumed I would know (and would jump in) or it wouldn't get done. Some of these mind-reading expectations still happen, but it is getting much better.

From everything I've read, this is classic oldest child in a large family stuff.

Yes, I have three year old twins. They are wonderful and a handful. Yes, I have a full time job. No, we do not have a lot of money. But I have my health. We have a support system - and people we can call in for reinforcements.

There are things we can do. We have limits. We're well aware of them. My husband helps me all the time to remember just how much I can do (I easily fall into over-extending myself).

I know some of this is a struggle with pride. It's not easy to ask for help. Especially if you've always been the go-to person. If you've always been the parent, having your child help is not easy. It's not easy to admit you can't do it all.

The saying goes that the things you dislike the most in other people are things you see in yourself. This is certainly one of them for me. I was having a bad week a few weeks ago. I really wore myself out. Trust me, it is EASY to do too much, to wear yourself out with toddlers. I find it is so difficult for me to carve out that space for time for myself. And yet, I'm always so much better off afterward.

I hate being dependent on anyone (I think I've written about this before).

Asking for help is not dependency. If both people are healthy, the person will feel free to say no. It's not fair to anyone to ask for help once, and if the person says no, to give up. It's a process. I might not be able to lend a hand this weekend, but next weekend I could.

So, I'm resolving (again - this was a new year's resolution) to continue to ask for help. But as I'm making this resolution, I hope the people in my life will also ask me for help. It's okay not to exhaust yourself. It's okay to depend on people in your life.

1 comment:

Freckle Face Girl said...

Good point. I am horrible at asking for help too. -Yes, I am an oldest child. I think everyone would be better off if we got help and helped others.