Tuesday, April 27, 2010

An emergency on your part

I've been thinking about crisis living recently. I learned about living full of drama, crisis to crisis from an early age.  There was always something to be worried about.  There was always something to be concerned about. 

If nothing else, I remember (distinctly) sitting at the breakfast table with my mother, while she talked about her dreams the night before.  One dream/nightmare was that we would have to pack everything up and move to Missouri (in handcarts, because there wasn't any gas for cars)**.  We didn't live in Missouri at the time, so it would have been a long trip

As an adult, I've worked very hard at breaking free of this cycle.  Some days I succeed.

Currently there is some stuff going on that I could be freaking out about.  Five or ten years ago, this would have looked very different.  But I've learned that just because someone else is freaking out - doesn't mean *I* have to. 

It's like the classic copied sign behind the school secretary - an emergency on your part doesn't mean an emergency on my part.

I'm not feeling heartless.  Just that, living here in the present is pretty d*mn important to me. 

Figuring out whether or not something is a big deal (and worth getting upset about) is also critical.  And figuring out who I'm responsible for, and what I can control is what keeps me away from the drama.

It can be frightening; it has been frightening. 

It's like stepping back and asking yourself - who do I want to be?  Do I want to be someone caught up in what everyone else is doing, thinking and feeling each day?  Or do I want to focus on myself, on the beauty of what's around me, on the people I love? 

When the choice became that obvious, it really was no longer a difficult choice.

**(btw, for the non mormons out there, one of Joseph Smith's revelations was that all the Saints would gather in Independence Missouri in the "last days" before Christ returned.  Whether or not this is still the case, that most active LDS believe this, is debated amongst some mormons).

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