Tuesday, March 3, 2009

We'll See How Brave You Are

"We'll see how brave you are
We'll see how fast you'll be running"

Yes Anastasia - Tori Amos

I was thinking of this song this morning, and the time in my life when that album (Under the Pink) helped me get through some difficult times. So many people either love Tori Amos or can't stand her, and that's fine.

I was thinking of some of the more difficult periods in my life. Despite how bleak things might have looked while I was living through those times, I realize now (with time) how much I learned about myself. Granted, I'm still relatively young, so I hope there will be many more learning experiences (without hoping for bad things to happen, simply acknowledging that some bad things will happen).

I also realized that usually the dark times were a prelude to some amazing experiences.

One of the darker times for me was the summer after I graduated from high school. Traditionally this can be a difficult time for people, for me it brought a great deal of confrontation and change with family and with friends. My parents realized that I was probably leaving mormonism for good. At least I think they finally admitted it to themselves. I fell into some relationships that weren't particularly healthy, but not
particularly unhealthy either. Because of those relationships - I learned a ton about myself.

I won't go into additional specifics - but I was able to move from a low period to going to college (and all that entailed). College wasn't always wine and roses, but most of the time, it was pretty d*mn good. I met so many amazing, intelligent people. And through the low periods, I had some very wise friends and adults that helped me gain perspective.

This is just what I've been musing on, recently. The concept that there is an ebb and flow to my life, and as things go up and down, they eventually work out as they are supposed to (for me). It may not be how I had expected - but things do work out.

There's a line I think is apt from "The Sound of Music" where the mother abbess says, "Every time God closes a door, he opens a window". Feel free to substitute your own belief in place of God - from science to nature to higher power, etc. and also the pronoun (he or she to it, etc.) It works for me - the idea that as things end, other
things begin.


carrie said...

tori's music always makes me think of you. i have lots of memories attached to the songs on that album, too--maybe this is necessarily true of favorite music from the late teens-early 20s years?
here's to open windows...

Aerin said...

Thanks carrie - yeah, I was a bit obsessed, wasn't I? I too have lots of memories around those times. I heard a story some years ago that younger people are better able to appreciate new music - I've searched for it for awhile in vain. Anyway, welcome.

dee said...

It's a very healthy view, and I agree with it.

Freckle Face Girl said...

I like Tori too. She makes me think of college. During that time, I went to one of her concerts with friends from work. It was in a high school theater.

I also believe and have seen that things have a way of working themselves out, but usually not how I expected. That knowledge helps get me through the tough times.

Aerin said...

thanks wry.

thanks ffg - sometimes it's really hard to see how things will work out. I think sometimes we just have to get through them, in order to have some distance to view them better.