Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Everyone has their own pile...

While growing up, I remember hearing the biblical story of Job used as an explanation of why bad things happen to good people.

Some people find comfort in religion. Some find the notion comforting that there is an overall design - a reason for everything.

I have to say that I honestly respect that. How can I begin to imagine some of the horror/tragedy that has happened to some people. Serious illness, illness of loved ones, loss, misfortune, bad luck, natural disasters, war, etc.

It is a question for the ages, a human question.

This type of topic I've discussed before, I wrote a little about fear here , victimhood here and our ability to choose our own circumstances here. So obviously, this is something I've thought about a great deal, and also posted about.

My theory is that we all have some form of sh*t to go through. Some of us have it worse than others. But we've all got something.

I wish I could say that everything happens for a reason. I think some things (even horrible things) do happen for a reason, there is something good that comes from them.

But there are some losses that are too great, too painful. A person can find no compelling reason why they had to occur.

What can we do but support those who have lost a loved one? But step back and let them grieve and mourn the best way they know how? What can we do but enjoy each and every day? Tell loved ones and friends how much we care about them? Honor the memories of those who have gone before in our own way?

We can share/talk about our grief.

I'm not only talking about the loss of loved ones, but the loss of expectations. Coming to terms with our lives as they are - with their joys and mundane moments. I find myself singing the Rolling Stones to my children sometimes "You can't always get what you want" - it's something they struggle with. And even I constantly struggle with my own expectations.

One of the things I've realized over the years is that life is just not fair. Period.

With some heartbreak, those are the people I find inspiring. Those people who are able to keep on going and enjoy life despite everything.

Some friends of ours are still struggling with infertility. I don't know how they do it; they are able to appreciate life and enjoy themselves despite everything. Or those who struggle with illness, job loss, addiction, poverty. Even those who struggle with lack of compassion, nurturing and understanding by loved ones.

I don't understand the point of suffering.

I just know that it is very real. We all have to deal with something. Some of us have multiple things. We can just be prepared, compassionate and hope we have the tools, the strength to make it through whatever life throws at us.

I told a friend, then struggling with a divorce and the loss of her mother a quote from Winston Churchill said - "If you're going through hell, keep going". I still believe that.

Some wounds never heal.

That doesn't mean that day to day living doesn't get easier as we go. And it is easier when we talk about what's going on - it just helps some of us feel a little less alone.


Freckle Face Girl said...

I hate my problems until I hear about other people's and then I realize that I wouldn't trade. :)

Aerin said...

Thanks FFG. I feel the same way.