I read about the teens who broke out of their maternity home yesterday in American Fork. It's in the Jan. 19th Salt Lake City Tribune.
Teenage women, pregnant, shipped by their parents from other states to Utah. They would keep up their studies and give up their babies for adoption.
Now - please don't misunderstand me. Adoption and teenage motherhood are loaded topics.
I just feel that everyone should be allowed a choice. No one should be forced back to the bad old days when all unmarried mothers had to give up their babies for adoption.
I believe adoption is a tremendous gesture of love from the birth mother to a child. It's a mother's acknowledgement that for whatever reason, she would not be able to care for that child like she wants to. And infertility is very common. Many couples would be amazing parents if they had the chance.
Obviously there are many societal issues here as well.
I don't advocate knocking out the group home mother, as these three reportedly did. And stealing a van and credit cards. But I'm also not sure I agree with packing up a pregnant teenager and shipping her off to Utah. There isn't an easy answer. I'm sure these issues are much more complex and we don't have the entire story.
There is simply a part of me that understands being trapped in an insane situation. I hope the teens get home safely - and that things turn out for the best.
6 comments:
The hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life was deciding whether or not to give my baby up for adoption. By far. Not an easy thing to consider, but it is just like you said, a decision made out of love for your child, and the desire to give the best life you can to that child.
It's not easy. SML - I read your posts about that decision that you made. I'm still floored. I cannot imagine being in that position - yet women and young women find themselves there all the time. And no matter what the decision is, it's done out of love.
The system is screwed up for many reasons. I am in awe that you were able to make it work - that any single parent is able to make it work. But they do it all the time.
Thanks for your comment.
The solution seems easy to me. Treat your daughters like people and not like robots whom you discard when they fail to follow orders.
I have four daughters. I would hate to see any of them make the foolish choices that would lead them to teen-motherhood. that said, I can't make choices for them.
It baffles me that any parent would do anything less than everything they can to love and accept their children unconditionally.
It sounds so barbaric to send the daughters off to a place where their only choice is adoption. I completely agree that adoption is often a great alternative, but forcing it is horrible.
When I was in high school, I went to a tiny private school (2 in my graduating class), and the local public school sent one of their students to us because she was pregnant. We accepted her with "open arms," but you know there was a lot of judging going on.
I thought it was barbaric that they sent her to our school because they were embarrassed. I had no idea they still had HOMES!
Outrageous.
Thanks Fiddley, FFG and Mari for your comments. Unconditional love is the key. But also involving children in decisions about their own lives.
As an update, as of 01/23 (today) - one of the moms still hasn't heard from her daughter. Hope that they are found and safe.
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