Saturday, September 20, 2014


Recently some prominent celebrities made some unfortunate statements.  Chanson has some good analysis on the subject.

My first caveat is that I'm not 100% familiar of the specific situation, who said what, what may have happened.

But it sounds like there are some older males (I'm considering over 35 old) who are adjusting to society's new understanding of consent.

Because there is a new understanding of consent.

I think about the rape scene in Sixteen Candles.   I'm embarrassed to say that I was much older (much too old) when I became aware that the behavior in the movie (sex with someone who is too drunk) was rape.  I was never taught that was rape (particularly growing up mormon).

That's why the conversation about consent is important.

I'm not surprised that there are older people (male and female) who hadn't revisited this.  It's true, sex and relationships  can be complicated.  And our society changes (our ideas of appropriate/acceptable change).  This is a good thing.

And I think this should be part of a larger conversation in our society.  Conversations can lead to new understandings. I wonder if it's frightening for people.  It's not comfortable or lauded to admit one was wrong.  Some people will do whatever is possible to not admit they made a mistake.

I'm glad our society has changed and continues to change.  I'm glad we're having a conversation as a society; it means that beliefs have changed.  For a long time, women simply had to accept the status quo - and many men didn't realize they were doing anything wrong (privilege).

I'm not trying to defend the rape apologists here (perhaps I am defending the rape apologists).  What I'm saying is, it's okay to change your mind and to admit you were mistaken.  Consent is a good thing (particularly as an over 35 male) to revisit and gain a new understanding.  Our society sees consent differently than we did, so it behooves all of us to understand why and what that means for our daily lives.

1 comment:

Freckle Face Girl said...

It has been so long since I've seen that movie that I forgot that part was even in there. Hmm... very thought provoking. They did make it seem like she just didn't know she wanted it until it happened. Very wrong...

A co-worker once told me about her roommate in college her freshman year. The girl had her first drink at a party and got blasted. The next morning, she woke up next to a guy. She had been a virgin before that night. She rushed home. He continued to call her thinking that they were headed for a great relationship that started from "hooking up." She avoided him until she found out that she was pregnant. She went to campus police and fought to get him kicked out of the school on rape charges. It worked. Later, she gave the baby up for adoption.

He seriously had no idea that she had not consented. I believe it isn't fair to put all the blame on him. He was drinking too and obviously impaired. Maybe he was just slightly less than she was.